March 29, 2025
Hey folks, Matt Levenhagen here. 👋
We talk a lot about taking responsibility when things go sideways. Something breaks, communication gets murky, or a project slips off the rails—and naturally, we look inward. “What did I miss?” “Could I have done better?” And that’s great. Self-reflection is part of growth, and as a business owner, I’ve done my fair share of it over the years (some of it with coffee in hand early on a Saturday morning, with Jillian at my feet snoring away—like she is right now while I’m writing this, haha).
But here’s the thing: responsibility isn’t a solo mission. It’s not a badge you pin on your chest while everyone else shrugs and walks away. In a real partnership—whether it’s client-vendor, agency-agency, or team-member to team-member—everyone has a role in the outcome. That means when things go wrong, it’s not just about you owning it… it’s also about helping the other party see their part in it too.
When It’s “Your Fault”… But Not Really
Let’s say you dropped the ball. Maybe a feature didn’t get built the way someone expected. Own it? Absolutely. But then ask:
- Was that expectation clearly communicated?
- Were there signals or flags you missed… or that they failed to wave in the first place?
- Should you have been in that position to begin with?
Sometimes, you’re in the hot seat for something you were never really set up to succeed at. Maybe you didn’t have the right access, or the brief was more of a vague wish list. Still your job to fix it—but not your job to shoulder the entire failure alone.
The Real Growth Happens in the Debrief
What I’ve learned (the hard way, on more than one occasion) is that we grow most together when both sides take a moment to reflect. That might mean:
- You sharing constructive feedback on what you needed to succeed
- Them looking at their own process, brief, or expectations
- Collaborating on better guardrails for next time
That’s how strong, long-term relationships are forged. Not through blame or finger-pointing, but through shared accountability and mutual learning.
You Gotta Pull It Out of People
Sometimes, your partners won’t naturally do this. That’s where your leadership comes in. Ask questions. Spark the conversation. Help them reflect too:
- “What could we have done differently together?”
- “Was there something unclear from the start?”
- “Do you feel like your expectations were fully communicated?”
These aren’t “gotcha” moments. They’re relationship builders. They create a culture where it’s okay to say, “Yeah, I guess I could’ve been clearer” or “We probably should’ve flagged that sooner.”
And let me tell ya… those moments of mutual vulnerability? That’s where trust is born. That's the good cheese, folks. 🧀
Speak Up: You Have a Say Too
Before we get into speaking up, it's worth mentioning this: don’t take feedback personally. I know, easier said than done. Especially when you've put in the hours, poured in the effort, and someone hits you with something that feels like criticism. But here's the thing—feedback is often a gift in disguise. Even when it's not delivered perfectly, there might be truth in it.
So take a breath. Pause. Don’t let emotions override the opportunity to self-reflect. Maybe their perspective is valid. Maybe it's the missing puzzle piece that makes everything click. The key is to stay open, not defensive. You can absorb feedback and still have a say.
If you're getting feedback—again, take responsibility. Absolutely. But don't be afraid to share your perspective with the other party. A real partnership thrives on mutual respect and honesty. And if you can't share your thoughts—if you're constantly holding back for fear of upsetting the balance—then is it really a partnership at all? Or are you just an order taker, stuck in a dynamic where your expertise gets sidelined?
Yes, in certain situations that might feel risky. You don't want to rock the boat or put strain on a valuable relationship. But here's the truth: if the relationship is real and built on trust, it can handle a little rocking. It should be able to.
Don't be a doormat. Don't be just an order taker. You bring value. You bring experience. You bring ideas. If something isn't working—say it. If you see a better way—share it. That's how partnerships evolve and grow stronger.
In fact, I'd argue that having the courage to speak up is part of what makes a relationship worth having in the first place. Respect isn't one-sided. It's earned, and it's mutual.
Bottom Line: It Takes Two (or More)
No matter how experienced, thoughtful, or diligent you are, a business relationship is never a one-way street. Even if it looks like you're at fault, don't skip the opportunity to explore the roots of the issue. What conditions allowed it to happen? Could it have been prevented with better communication, clearer scope, or earlier involvement?
So next time you find yourself in one of those messy “uh-oh” moments, take a breath. Reflect. Own your part.
But don’t stop there.
Invite the other side to do the same. That’s where the magic is. That’s where real collaboration happens.
And hey, stay positive, folks… and enjoy the journey. 🚀
